The new and medicated me

I love being able to go back and read how I can be. I am significantly happier now. Today is my 3 year anniversary with my husband and I am so happy to be his wife. Everything in life is looking up... for me anyway. I got a new job and in less than a year I got a promotion. Even though I am happy deep down I am still sad. October of last year is when we started trying to start a family. A whole year has gone by and still nothing. With this raise we are going to put it on hold for a year then maybe I will get tested. Fingers crossed I get pregnant because we stopped trying.

What's wrong

I wish I.knew what was wrong with me... I'm not me... I haven't been myself. I can't stop the tears. I can't cure the pain. I just wish I was myself again.
I have been sick for the past 3 weeks. I haven't drank so much pepto in the past months than I have my entire life. I'm tired of getting out of bed in the morning, I'm tired of driving to work.
Dave and I are good. Or so I think. I.don't even know anymore. I'm tired of trying to figure it out and make everyone happy.

Hidden

How does one hide their feelings from another? Even when you want them to know and hope they feel the same way.

Pretty

Day one

Today is the first day of irritation. Everyone everywhere is annoying me and I can't help but bite my tongue.
I don't know. Does everything just go wrong. I'm just tired of dealing with people not caring.

Looking up

My thoughts are getting better. I'm not thinking so impure I'm actually feel happy.
But for some reason I still hope to be hit by a tractor trailer. To free me from this day, this pain, this body, these thoughts, this mind.

Full moon

I don't wear my seatbelt because I'm ok if I die. It's not that I want to die or would kill myself or harm anyone. But I'm at that point where I've accepted death and I don't have much going for me. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them.
Life is a never ending battle.
A battle that I'm done getting ready for, and fighting for.