Date night

Went out on our first date of the year! Woop Woop! It was very nice. Then when to movies with my brother and his family.
I miss days like that. Where he shows that he really cares. I feel like I try so hard to look so good and he turns the other way.

Hubby

I think I'm at that point in my marriage where "sleeping together" means, moving closer to each other in bed.

Kristle

Last night went well. Work was interesting. Told katie about how I think I'm emotionally cheating on Dave and hear kristle is doing the same thing but different. With the same person as me. Except he guy is married as well mine isn't. But it made me feel much better, that I'm not alone. She said that this guy fills what her husband doesn't. Actually tells her she is pretty and talks to her and knows more about her than her husband. My situation is a little more difficult and different but I will take it and feel better.

Empty

Not feeling much of anything right now. I just finished my sub and I need to get back to school but I can't quite move yet. Let me just rest my head for a little while?

Death on a toilet.

On Friday I was cleaning up my favorite resident and he fell off the toilet to his knees. I tried to pick him up but he was very big. The LPN came in and we laid him on the ground slowly and rested his head on a pillow. When the RN came we rolled him over on his back and pronounced him dead. This was very hard to deal with. They think he had a heart attack. We (the staff) were his family.
I miss him so much and blame myself for his death.
It was hard to watch a DNR take his last breaths and be able to do nothing.

Unhappy

I need someone to talk to and I'm not quite sure if I have anyone. My hearts not at ease, I have impure thoughts, and in every scenero, I'm still unhappy. I think I'm emotionally cheating on my husband.

Ok, so should this be a little about me?

     I guess i just wanted somewhere to write everything. i always feel bad telling my husband how unhappy i am. i promise that it has nothing to do with him it just everything that i have going on in my life and i feel like i keep taking on more and more. i wasn't always this depressing person. i used to be called smiley now im called, grumpy.
     my husband is my best friend and i tell him everything but i am such a paranoid person and am starting to feel like maybe i shouldn't be telling him everything. he truly is the best thing that could have happened to me.
     so why am i unhappy? you got me? my depression started two years ago. I've been on and off meds for it right now currently on. and i think that need to up it. maybe its just what i believe in and how i take everything everyone says to heart? or all the stress in my life i dont know? maybe this economy really just sucks ass right now and it really is affecting me.
      I have no social life, I'm a full time college student working full time and before that was working two jobs and before that was working two full time jobs and planing a wedding. i just want to delete this whole thing and say screw it. im not sure what im looking to get out of the 'blogging' thing. i thing. i think every time i want to rant i might just do it on here. or if i have a random question it will end up on here.  so we will see.