What's wrong

I wish I.knew what was wrong with me... I'm not me... I haven't been myself. I can't stop the tears. I can't cure the pain. I just wish I was myself again.
I have been sick for the past 3 weeks. I haven't drank so much pepto in the past months than I have my entire life. I'm tired of getting out of bed in the morning, I'm tired of driving to work.
Dave and I are good. Or so I think. I.don't even know anymore. I'm tired of trying to figure it out and make everyone happy.

Hidden

How does one hide their feelings from another? Even when you want them to know and hope they feel the same way.

Pretty

Day one

Today is the first day of irritation. Everyone everywhere is annoying me and I can't help but bite my tongue.
I don't know. Does everything just go wrong. I'm just tired of dealing with people not caring.

Looking up

My thoughts are getting better. I'm not thinking so impure I'm actually feel happy.
But for some reason I still hope to be hit by a tractor trailer. To free me from this day, this pain, this body, these thoughts, this mind.

Full moon

I don't wear my seatbelt because I'm ok if I die. It's not that I want to die or would kill myself or harm anyone. But I'm at that point where I've accepted death and I don't have much going for me. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them.
Life is a never ending battle.
A battle that I'm done getting ready for, and fighting for.

Date night

Went out on our first date of the year! Woop Woop! It was very nice. Then when to movies with my brother and his family.
I miss days like that. Where he shows that he really cares. I feel like I try so hard to look so good and he turns the other way.

Hubby

I think I'm at that point in my marriage where "sleeping together" means, moving closer to each other in bed.

Kristle

Last night went well. Work was interesting. Told katie about how I think I'm emotionally cheating on Dave and hear kristle is doing the same thing but different. With the same person as me. Except he guy is married as well mine isn't. But it made me feel much better, that I'm not alone. She said that this guy fills what her husband doesn't. Actually tells her she is pretty and talks to her and knows more about her than her husband. My situation is a little more difficult and different but I will take it and feel better.

Empty

Not feeling much of anything right now. I just finished my sub and I need to get back to school but I can't quite move yet. Let me just rest my head for a little while?

Death on a toilet.

On Friday I was cleaning up my favorite resident and he fell off the toilet to his knees. I tried to pick him up but he was very big. The LPN came in and we laid him on the ground slowly and rested his head on a pillow. When the RN came we rolled him over on his back and pronounced him dead. This was very hard to deal with. They think he had a heart attack. We (the staff) were his family.
I miss him so much and blame myself for his death.
It was hard to watch a DNR take his last breaths and be able to do nothing.

Unhappy

I need someone to talk to and I'm not quite sure if I have anyone. My hearts not at ease, I have impure thoughts, and in every scenero, I'm still unhappy. I think I'm emotionally cheating on my husband.