Ok, so should this be a little about me?

     I guess i just wanted somewhere to write everything. i always feel bad telling my husband how unhappy i am. i promise that it has nothing to do with him it just everything that i have going on in my life and i feel like i keep taking on more and more. i wasn't always this depressing person. i used to be called smiley now im called, grumpy.
     my husband is my best friend and i tell him everything but i am such a paranoid person and am starting to feel like maybe i shouldn't be telling him everything. he truly is the best thing that could have happened to me.
     so why am i unhappy? you got me? my depression started two years ago. I've been on and off meds for it right now currently on. and i think that need to up it. maybe its just what i believe in and how i take everything everyone says to heart? or all the stress in my life i dont know? maybe this economy really just sucks ass right now and it really is affecting me.
      I have no social life, I'm a full time college student working full time and before that was working two jobs and before that was working two full time jobs and planing a wedding. i just want to delete this whole thing and say screw it. im not sure what im looking to get out of the 'blogging' thing. i thing. i think every time i want to rant i might just do it on here. or if i have a random question it will end up on here.  so we will see.

curiousity

if you leave an unused tampon in your pocket and you wash your pants can you still use that tampon?

update?

so once again here i am wondering why? why do i hate? I get on facebook and all i read are a bunch of fake people talking about how awesome their lives are. life sucks ass. here i am busting my ass trying to get through school and go to work not knowing what it for dinner and you want to say the you life is tough? you have no idea! now mind you the person that said that their life is tough is my sister. the 19 year old with a husband and a 1 year old who still lives at home. right now her life is as easy as life will ever come. so dont take that for grantie. because it wont be like that forever. im tired of feeling depressed all the time like im the only one out there and right now i am. but that is just..... wow.

tastefully simple no show

So I had a tastefully simple party yesterday. Yea appperently I'm a loser. My mom was the only person to show. Eventually daves family came late and drunk and my friends said they were "stuck". My boss said oh you should have called earlier I just put chicken on the grill. Yea right. Uh huh. Never again. I given everyone an order form and you can order anyway!

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people dying everywhere

So all of the resident are starting to die. Three so far. One is throwing up blood. Two more stopped eating. I hope after this we are done but I guess we will just have to wait and see. God bless irma, irene, and george.

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wish i COULD quit

Its not a matter of finding another job. Because I can do that. Prolly even making more. But will I like the work? Prolly not. Then why are you here? Job security. The only reason why anyone stays is because you are garunteed a job here. There will always be a need in the health care industry. So yea I can leave but I'm not garunteed a job forever.

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facebook

So I deleted all of my friends on facebook. Pretty exciting. I'm just getting tired of all the drama. Maybe I just expect too much. Its funny cause I really don't think anyone cares. If you read my facebook anyone would be able to tell how depressed I am and yet no one does anything about it. That's why I started to blog. Then nobody knows cause I know nobody reads this. Just writing into the emptiness of cyber web.
I know that if I died today no true tears would be shed. Just the fake people with their fake tears and there dumb drama. I would never actually kill myself but it is always on my mind. I guess that's not too normal, huh? I guess that's why I'm supposed to be on meds. Dave thinks its just me that thinks no one likes me. Paranoia... meds. I'm just tired of being on meds. Escpecially when the make me gain weight. Yea maybe if it helped me lose weight Id actually take it.

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realization

so I cut my hair after the wedding. Did anyone notice... I didn't think so. I wear my hair halfway up and curled today. "Oh you look good with your hair down. As if it has ever been in a ponytail! I always where my hair down!
I really think that since I gained 60 lbs no body even know who I am...sigh with a tear. It does suck but the deppo shot and all my meds don't help. I'm depressed. And now not taking my pills because I think it is making me more fat. Which then makes me not want to do anything but sleep.
I don't like this.

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nazi bingo ladies

Thursday is the day of work that I dread the most. On this day at the home we play bingo. The catholic ladies volunteer there plentiful time for this. You would think that they would be kind and gentle. But on the contrere. They are possibly the meanest, grumpiest, greenest, little, virgin nuns that walk this town. I just happen to have hit the lottery with my chances of meeting them all.
I try and try to help them. I go to break early so the floor is dry. I change all table clothes this day so they won't complain. I eveb try to move tables where they like in order to please them. Go figure none of it works. No matter who you are what you do. They will find you and they will eat you.

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headache

So I have been blessed with a migrane for three lovely days. Two of which I was so gracefully throwing up. Went to the doctor and got two elegant shots in the butt. After a colorful bandaid and a pleasant trip to the store it was gone. Thankgod.
The doctor put me on something to help with the migranes. Something that will actually help me loer weight. Not gain... again and go figure aunt flo is in town again. She was here for christmas!!! Damn santa.!

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happy nude year!

So new years day was amazing. Had amazing sex with the husband so I think that wss tye best way to start off the new year.
to be honest we usually don't have sex often and when we do it lasts about 3 mins, but not last night. Not many people get to see this bu there is a difference between fucking and making love. Last night we made love.

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tired

I'm guessing that I'm just in that depressive state again. I am tired all the time. Headaches and sick. Eh. Maybe its just this place. Or is it that I want a baby but know that I need to think reasonable and try for school first? Or that I know there is a chance that I'm going to start my pre requisits and freak out cause I don't remeber a thing. I know dave will help me but he isn't always there. And if I do fail, then we may still have to wait for a baby because we will have more bills.
Why do I feel the need to take on more than one thing at a time. This all started with the wedding. I had two full time jobs, bought a house, planned a wedding, and had my parents move in.
I do want a baby now but I need to settle down. I honestly wish I was pregnant now so id have an excuse for all this weight gain. I guess doing everything at once wasn't really the best thing for me.

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new years

So it was pretty fun. I wanted to go to my parents but stayed with friends and played board drinking games. Eventful. Did pretty good with the alcohol had two beers and two shots in four hours. Still have a headach but most likely from no sleep.
Random thoughts, is it weird when you get excited that you can clean your floors better with a new steam vac?
I feel like I have hott surfer dude hair. Blonde, short, curley. And since its still wet....

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